


Take Up Thy Stethoscope And Walk

by Vices_Versus_Virtues



Category: EXO (Band), Monsta X (Band), NCT (Band), SEVENTEEN (Band), the non 17-groups aren't major, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: "Doctor" AU, Alternate Universe - Hospital, Crack, F/M, M/M, Medical Inaccuracies, Medical Malpractice, Other, Surgery, possibly gory, yeet
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-02
Updated: 2017-08-31
Packaged: 2018-11-08 05:32:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 6,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11075058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vices_Versus_Virtues/pseuds/Vices_Versus_Virtues
Summary: in which seventeen are "medical" "professionals"





	1. Meet the Staff

**Author's Note:**

> Title comes from Pink Floyd's "Take Up Thy Stethoscope And Walk" which you can jam out to [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ahn_fVEF9e8)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If you go to Pledis General Hospital to set a broken leg, and end up with an arm where the leg should be, these 13 are probably to blame.

  * **Choi Seungcheol-** [CEO](http://www.healthcare-administration-degree.net/top-healthcare-administrator-the-hospital-ceo/) of Pledis Hospital, in charge of everything but not his own life. A father figure whose metaphorical children have zero Respeck
  * **Yoon Jeonghan-** A receptionist who doesn’t like reception. The hospital’s eyes and ears.
  * **Hong Jisoo-** Hospital [chaplain](http://study.com/articles/Hospital_Chaplain_Job_Description_and_Education_Requirements.html), but he really is more of the employee’s personal therapist. He has a lotta dirt on a lotta people, but hasn’t used it against anyone (yet). A little boring (to Jeonghan’s disappointment) and a total pushover (to Jeonghan’s delight)
  * **Doctor Wen Junhui-** A skilled surgeon from China, who mainly works in the ER. He sometimes wishes he were a plastic surgeon so he could lower the number of ugly patients he has to deal with.
  * **Doctor Kwon Soonyoung-** A surgeon that doesn’t know shit but somehow gets by.
  * **(Doctor) Jeon Wonwoo-** A hospital pharmacist, who technically is a doctor but doesn’t rub it in anyone’s face. By the way- have you seen his glasses? He lost them a while ago, and has yet to find them. In totally unrelated news, a lot of prescriptions have been mixed up lately. Wonder why.
  * **(Ex Doctor) Lee Jihoon-** The main [Diener](https://www.quora.com/What-are-the-tasks-of-someone-who-works-in-a-hospital-morgue) at Pledis General Hospital. Basically, he works with dead bodies before the undertaker comes for them. He’s also known to do an autopsy, every so often. He used to be a surgeon, but there was an Incident, so he does this now.
  * **Doctor Lee Seokmin-** Jihoon’s cousin, and polar opposite. The hospital’s favorite pediatrician.
  * **Kim Mingyu-** A pediatric nurse and local fuck-up. It’s okay though, since he’s hot.
  * **Xu Minghao-** A physical therapist. He’s still not fluent in Korean, but got the job anyway.
  * **Boo Seungkwan-** Human Resources. The reason for this whole mess.
  * **Chwe Hansol-** A med student in his second year of rotations. He transferred to Pledis after his first year of rotations in America.
  * **Lee Chan-** A med student in his first year of rotations. He’s no doctor yet, but he’s pretty sure a hospital really shouldn’t operate like this.




	2. Taco Tuesday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Medical malpractice. That's all.

“Doctor Kwon, you’ve got a patient in room 106 that needs immediate attention,” Jeonghan says, catching the frizzy haired doctor as he passed by the reception desk, hospital ID in hand as he made his way towards the cafeteria. Today was taco day, one of the rare days that Pledis General Hospital didn’t serve shitty food. “The nurses said to tell you ASAP, and I quote, ‘to get your ass up there.’”

“GODDAMMIT,” Doctor Kwon Soonyoung said, stamping his foot in childish frustration and gaining the attention of several patients in the first-floor waiting area. Fuck professionalism, Soonyoung had tolerated barely edible garbage all month in anticipation for Taco Tuesday. “Jeonghan, can’t Doctor Wen do it, I’m on my lunch break.”

“Sorry, Soonie, but Junhui’s busy right now. Emergency heart surgery. Real messy, from the looks of the guy who came in. I think he was stabbed.” Jeonghan said, giving Soonyoung a sympathetic glance- the only glance he would spare another person for the rest of the day. “It’s a darn shame. And on Taco Tuesday, too. Well, you better get going. Your guy in 106 doesn’t have forever. In fact, he probably doesn’t have the rest of the afternoon, since they’ve already put him under anesthesia.”

“Fuck.” Soonyoung groaned. “Mr. Choi’ll have my ass if I come in late for another emergency surgery. Gotta blast.”  

And with that, Doctor Kwon barrelled into the elevator, squeezing past a group of patients in wheelchairs that were waiting in the hallway for Minghao to start physical therapy.

“Kwon, watch out for my patients, will you?!” Minghao shouted after him, followed by something in angry Chinese. What he said, Soonyoung didn’t know, but he didn’t care anyway. He had to get sanitized for whatever this bullshit surgery was supposed to be.

* * *

“Here!” Soonyoung said, spilling into the operating room. He was out of breath and sweat was beading under his scrubs, but he wasn’t late and the patient wasn’t dead. All in all, the day was starting off pretty well.

“It’s about time you got here,” Kyungsoo, one of the nurses, muttered before filling in Soonyoung about the patient and operation. “This is Lee Jooheon. He’s 28 and- aside from the nasty stomach ulcer he’s got- is generally healthy and-”

“Wait, Lee Jooheon?” Soonyoung said excitedly. “I need a scalpel, by the way.”

“That is right, Doc.” Kyungsoo confirmed, pressing a scalpel into a latex-gloved hand.

 “I know him! We went to middle school together. Man, I haven’t seen this guy since high school.”

“Soonyoung, please watch where you’re cutting.”

“I am, I am. Stop being such a worrywart, K-soo.”

“I’m not worrying, just, please focus on the ulcer. It’s on the right side of his stomach, near the bottom.”

“Got it- Soonyoung said, focusing on the area he was operating on, with the tip of his tongue peeking out of his mouth as he concentrated. “Wait, my right or your right?”

“Doctor Kwon, we are on the same side of him. It’s the same right either way.” Kyungsoo sighed. He wasn’t paid enough for this shit. Well, he kind of was. Pledis was full of human trainwrecks, but at least he was treated better than he was at SM County hospital.

“So which is it?” Soonyoung said, taking a step back from poor Jooheon and cocking his head in confusion.

“I _just_ said, it’s the same right.”

 “I know what you said but-” Kyungsoo wanted to die. That was evident in his eyes as he shot a look at another surgeon taking notes and monitoring vitals in the corner of the room.

“Ugh! It’s your right, how’s that. _Your right_. Got it?”

“Yup, I got it.” Soonyoung said, stepping towards the operating table and lowering his scalpel on Jooheon’s stomach. The two men worked for a few moments of blissful silence, Soonyoung cutting and Kyungsoo keeping a watchful eye on which side of Jooheon’s stomach Soonyoung was working on. Then, the silence was broken.

“Man, I really wonder how Jooheon’s doing now. Last time we talked, he wanted to be a rapper. A rapper, can you believe that?” Soonyoung wondered aloud. “You know what, you hold this-” He passed the scalpel to an astonished Kyungsoo- “I’m gonna look him up on Facebook, real quick.”

“Doctor Kwon, you cannot be serious right now-”

“OOh, I found him. He _is_ a rapper! Cherub-cheeked little Jooheonie, who’da thunk it? He’s got some songs out on Soundcloud. Does anyone have a Bluetooth speaker with them? You over there!” Soonyoung pointed to a couple of students who were sitting in on the operation. “You two look young and cool. Got one of those portable speakers on you?”

The two students looked at each other in helpless confusion before one of them piped up, “I do but I don’t… I don’t really think it’s best to get it now.”

“What! Sure it is! What’s your name, kid?” Soonyoung was practically vibrating in excitement.

“L-Lee Chan, sir.”

“Well, Chan? Whatcha doing, sitting there like a bump on a log? Help me set up the speaker real quick…”

The student scrambled out of his seat, setting the speaker up with shaking hands. “There. It’s connected, sir.”

 “Perfect! Man, this op’s gonna be so fun!” Soonyoung gave himself a pat on the back, only realizing there was blood on his glove seconds too late. The opening notes of Jooheon’s song began to fill the room, and Soonyoung took the scalpel back from Kyungsoo. However, before he could make another incision, a loud beep droned, filling the room. “Student! Kid! Is something wrong with your speaker?”

“... Uh, no, sir. The, the, er-”

“What Chan means to say is this: the patient is dead. You fucking lost him.” Kyungsoo growled. “First off, you removed too much of the stomach, then you just left him there to play music while he bled out on the table! What the hell, Kwon?”

 “Well.” Soonyoung said, cutting off the music and looking at his covered shoes. “This has been unfortunate, but I take full responsibility. I… I guess I’d better go tell his family the news.”

 “No fucking duh,” Kyungsoo scowled, before turning to the other doctors in the room. “Can somebody get Jihoon up here. Kwon’s got yet _another_ body for him.”

  _“Kwon’s got another body for him,”_ Soonyoung mocked, ripping his gloves off and throwing them into the aluminum recycling bin in the hall outside the operating room. “Well you know what, Mr. Know-It-All Do? I lost him _and_ a delicious taco lunch. So who’s the real loser here?”

Soonyoung’s rant came to an end as he rounded the corner of the hall, where Jooheon’s parents were waiting. His face was somber as he approached the (obviously nervous) couple. “Mr. and Mrs. Lee? I am so sorry but I have some bad news for you…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ngl this chapter was inspired by [this gem](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T1cIoZACSwE) here.


	3. STORYTIME: KIM JONG-UN AT MY WORKPLACE?!?!1?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> meanie makes a mess, changkyun is tired

Jeon Wonwoo was having an average day at work until 11:19 AM, when a prescription came in for some pain killers.

 “Doctor who prescribed this… Doctor Wen Junhui. Check. Med… Oxycodone. Check check. Patient… Kim Jong…? What the hell does this even say?” Wonwoo muttered to himself, squinting at the prescription order. If only he hadn’t lost his glasses. “Jong.. un?? _Kim Jongun_?!” Wonwoo yelped, dropping the paper and stumbling back in surprise, which sent him backing into a shelf of medicine bottles. The sound of plastic and the distinct shake-shake of the pills inside sounded throughout the small hospital pharmacy. Luckily, the pharmacy was rather secluded from any nurse stations and nosy coworkers, so Wonwoo was saved a little embarrassment.

 However, Wonwoo was saved no embarrassment when he went into panic mode, fueled by the inability to see correctly and little sleep. He picked up the office phone, dialing the hospital’s security office.

 “Hello?” The disgruntled voice of one Son Hyunwoo rumbled over the other end. “Pharmacy, what’s the issue?”

 “Uh… I think Kim Jongun is in the hospital. I don’t know how or why, but I think this is certainly a threat to everyone in the hospital, if not a threat to the entire South Korean nation. Please send help.”

“.... Um. Okay. I’ll send someone up?” Hyunwoo said, asking more than saying.  

“Don’t ‘Um, okay’ me, Hyunwoo.” Wonwoo exclaimed. “I seriously think this is a big issue-”

“I-alright, Jeon. Changkyun’s on his way up right now.”

* * *

 “Won? What’s going on?” Kim Mingyu asked, as he stopped by the pharmacy to pick something up for a patient. “You look really… anxious.”

“Yeah, uh, I am.” Wonwoo admitted. “I think Kim Jongun is here. And I think this hospital is in danger! Look at the prescription I got this morning!”

Mingyu peered at the prescription, eyes narrowing in confusion, then widening in shock. “You’re right! That does say Kim Jongun! Ohmygod, what do we do?!”  

“I dunno, I called security but I don’t think they took me seriously! Security was supposed to show up ages ago. Maybe I should take this into my own hands, poison him or something? I could totally slip the ‘wrong’ medicine in here….”

“Maybe. Do you think I should try to get on the intercom and release a warning?”  

“Good idea. You do that, I’ll wait on security. I’m sure they’ll know what to do. I thought about calling the police, but I think if we caused too much of a scene, that may tip him off and he can make a run for it before he can be caught.”

“Wonwoo, you’re a genius!” And with that, Mingyu dashed off, leaving Wonwoo to wait on security.  

* * *

 “Hey Jeonghan?” Mingyu asked the tired receptionist, making sure to give him that half-smile of his that people seemed to love so much. “Can I ask a favor of you? It’s really important.”

Jeonghan sighed, flipping through a magazine. “Whaddaya want, Gyu?”

“I need to use the intercom. Please?”

“I really don’t want to ask, but why do you need it?” 

Mingyu gave him the rundown of his interaction with Wonwoo.

“Look, Gyu, I sort of need this job, but I also need chaos to thrive. So I’m going to go to the bathroom for the next few minutes, and you can hijack the intercom then, okay?”

“I don’t follow but I think it means I can use it?” Mingyu asked, head cocked like an overgrown manchild puppy.

“Wait, lemme clock out for a break first. When I round that corner, do what you want. I was never here.” Jeonghan said, messing with his computer before disappearing to wherever lazy receptionists spend their free time.

* * *

 “Hey, Wonu,” Im Changkyun drawled, leaning on the windowsill style counter of the pharmacy. He was 10 minutes later than the usual walk from the security office, and strangely, had a Starbucks cup in hand. “Hyunwoo said that you thought there was… a suspicious character at the hospital?”

“Yes! Changkyunnie, take a look at this prescription I received! It’s for Kim Jongun. _The_ Kim Jongun! Should I fill it, because the patient comes first? Or, or I could ‘accidentally’ put something lethal in there, take ‘im out, for home and country’s sake, y’know?” Wonwoo said, waving the paper slip around in the other’s face.

“Wait. Calm down, Won,” Changkyun said, holding up a hand in a universal “stop right there” gesture. “Lemme see the paper…”

Changkyun plucked the paper from Wonwoo’s grasp, and scanned over the information before a smile burst across his face. Before Wonwoo could even wonder what was so funny about a Clearly Important Matter, Changkyun pointed at the name on the paper. 

“Wonwoo,” He said, between peals of laughter. “This doesn’t say Kim Jongun. It says Kim JongIN. I-N. This is not the Communist leader of North Korea, it’s a twenty-something year old kid! You just didn’t read it right since you still haven’t gotten new glasses!”

“One: I haven’t gotten new glasses since I’m sure mine are here. They’ll show up eventually. Two: What? No, it doesn’t!” Wonwoo’s brows furrowed as he snatched the paper and peered at it. “It says right here. Kim. Jong. Un. I showed it to Mingyu, and he saw it too!”

“Mingyu? As in, Kim Mingyu?” Changkyun asked. “As in, _dyslexic_ Kim Mingyu?”

A sinking feeling settled in Wonwoo’s gut. “I-” He said awkwardly, clearing his throat and toying with the hem of his lab coat. “It seems I have made a huge mistake.”

“It’s fine, Wonwoo. I mean, I’ll still have this story as blackmail but I won’t make a big deal of it-”

Changkyun was cut off by a crackling noise as Pledis’ intercom sparked to life, Mingyu’s voice ringing throughout the halls. “Attention, Pledis patients and staff! No need to panic, but it seems that Kim Jongun, Communist dictator of North Korea, is in these halls. I repeat, Kim Jongun is in this hospital. DO NOT PANIC, BUT LET ME REITERATE FOR A THIRD AND FINAL TIME: KIM JONGUN IS HERE. HE EVEN HAS PRESCRIPTION, WHICH WAS FOUND BY JEON WONWOO, WHO HAS KINDLY BROUGHT THIS TO HOSPITAL ATTENTION.”

Wonwoo felt as if he could just burst out and cry.

 “Nevermind, Wonwoo,” Changkyun said, shit-eating grin widening, as the intercom went off. “I will definitely make a big deal of this- as your little boyfriend already has- and will never let you live it down.” 

 “You’re an awful friend,” Wonwoo said. He then sprinted to clock out. He could afford to take the day off. Maybe even the whole week.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comment pls i need feedback to survive
> 
>  
> 
> ps this is funny bc u & i in hangul look nothing alike wonu wyd


	4. The Morning After

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yeet im back. also hope this isnt too ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) for your liking, but its jeongcheol, what do you expect. 
> 
> so here. have some suggestive workplace action. also idk if im gonna make meanie i bigger part of this story line but maybe i can be persuaded???

“Kim Mingyu, I could- no. I _should_ be firing you over this.” Choi Seungcheol said, pacing around in front of his desk. “I mean, first off, you got onto the hospital PA and announced Kim Jongun was here. You said that! With absolutely no factual basis! One lady literally had a heart attack!”

“It’s not my fault she didn’t handle the situation calmly.”

“She _died_. Also. It’s not like you did anything right either, Kim!”

“Well, I sincerely thought it said Kim Jongun! Plus, Mr. Angel over there totally let it happen!” Mingyu cried, pointing accusingly at a certain receptionist, who lounged in Seungcheol’s armchair like a cat who caught a canary. “Are you not gonna yell at him?” 

“Wow Mingyu,” Jeonghan snarked, arms crossed and nose turned up. “I can't believe you’d just snake me out like that.”“Well it’s not like I'm the only one who-”

“Children, children. Could you stop bickering for like, three seconds? This is serious business, you’ll all get your fair share of chastising.” Seungcheol barked, raking hands through his hair. He turned to face Wonwoo. “And you. Are you just going to sit there in silence as if you weren't the sole cause for this mess? I told you six fucking weeks ago to get new glasses, because you can't keep working when you're _literally legally blind!_ You constantly have people’s lives in your hands! You’re a doctor, so I expect you to be able to act like one. And see like one! You're not in trouble now, but if it happens again, you're gone. Get new glasses and reread the employee handbook on _appropriate_ emergency protocol. Mingyu, you’re on a suspension for a week for your reckless stunt with the intercom.”

 “What about Jeonghan!” Mingyu sputtered.  

“Did I not make it clear earlier when I said you’d all get your fair share of chastising? I’ll talk to him later, alright? I’m fucking busy and late for a county board meeting, because of you three. Now get back to work.”

With that, the CEO stormed out of his office, leaving Jeonghan, Mingyu, and Wonwoo there alone. Neither Mingyu or Wonwoo missed the way Jeonghan was eyeing their boss’ ass as he left the room, or the way his tongue quickly darted out and glossed over his lips.

* * *

 “How did you get away with deliberately letting Mingyu use the intercom?” Wonwoo asked Jeonghan incredulously, after the receptionist sauntered into the cafeteria and announced Seungcheol’s verdict with zero shame. “Like, you got off scot free! What the fuck?”

 “Oh he was mad,” Jeonghan said, smirking around a bite of salad. His eyes glinted with something akin to evil. “But I just happen to know what buttons to press to get him to channel that anger into something more… steamy, if you know what I mean.”

Wonwoo choked on his sandwich. He really needed new friends.


	5. Joshua Doesn’t Get Paid Enough for This Shit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joshua would rather have Jihoon remove his organs than tell him about his sexual frustration.

“And then he said, ‘I just happen to know what buttons to press to get him to channel that anger into something more… steamy, if you know what I mean,’” Wonwoo vented, hands fisted in his hair as he spoke. “Like. What the hell? Of course I know what this means, why is he like this-”

“Wonwoo. Calm down. Please.” Joshua said, placing a gentle, holy hand on Wonwoo’s shoulder. “If you really have an issue with Jeonghan’s interactions with Mr. Choi, I can talk to them if you want. Or you can take it up with them or HR yourself. It’s really not worth being so worked up about. Anyways, haven’t you been getting worked up enough lately?”

The damn situation with Kim Jongun happened days ago. Days! It seriously wasn’t funny anymore, but here Joshua was, roasting the fuck out of him! Joshua was roasting him, of all people. Wonwoo could just see the pixelated sunglasses descending onto his face, like one of those hilarious vines he saw last week.

“Whatever man. Have fun praying your day away with a bunch of crying old people.” Wonwoo growled, swooping out of the break room like an angry, lab coat-wearing eagle.

* * *

 

“Hong. Get in here,” Jihoon growled, pulling Joshua by the sweater vest into the icebox that was the hospital morgue. There was a body on the table, which was unsurprising, but looked awful. The man was at least 300 pounds, and the color of raw shrimp, aside from his face, which was a mottled purple.

 “Goodness, what happened to him?” The chaplain asked, pointing to the corpse.

 “Had an allergic reaction to some pork. The dumbass had a pig allergy, of all things, and didn’t even know it. So he had some Western-style breakfast this morning and bada bing bada boom. Dead after one strip of bacon. ER couldn’t do shit to save him.” Jihoon explained. “But he’s hardly the point. I wanted to talk to you.”

Joshua tried to disguise his sigh as a yawn. It didn’t really work, but Jihoon was already ranting, and when Jihoon was ranting, he wouldn’t stop until he was done. Joshua once sat for three straight hours, listening to him vent about how he hated waiting in line to get jello in the cafeteria.

“Damn that Doctor Kwon!” Jihoon was saying, pacing around and around the slab as he spoke. As he vented, he started working out of habit. He picked up a scalpel and made an incision right down the obese man’s middle. “He is such a fuck up! I do CPR on a person who was just sleeping- really deeply, mind you- and lose my license, but he botches a surgery at least twice a month and still has his job! It’s ridiculous!”

Jihoon’s voice rose in anger, and he began removing the man’s organs with more vigor. Joshua tried not to look, opting to stare at his new loafers. His mom got them for him for Christmas. They were so badass.

“Can you believe that headass Choi hasn’t done a damn thing about his inability to do anything right, but demotes _me_?” Jihoon looked at him expectantly for an answer. Joshua made quick eye contact as he mumbled an agreement, and tried to ignore the fact that Jihoon was holding what looked like a spleen.

“I mean, first, Kwon sucks at his job. Then, he just! He just goes around smiling like he hasn’t just caused a bunch of people to die! He just laughs and smiles and he talks to everyone because he’s so goddamn nice! Can you believe it? He has the fucking nerve to smile and show his cute teeth and then his eyes crinkle up at the edges into these cute little moons… and his cheeks fluff up, what the hell kind of games is that man playing? He’s so stupid… stupidly cute I’m SO angry right now. How dare he?” Jihoon asks, slam dunking the spleen into a bucket.

“Yeah. So awful of him,” Joshua said halfheartedly. Before Jihoon had dragged him into the morgue, he had been on his way to pray with a family whose four-year old son just died. Guess they wouldn’t be prayed with now. Maybe he would see them when their baby’s body was brought down here.

“I know right?! That stupid boy. Sometimes, I just want to punch him! Or stab him with a triangular bladed knife! They make a wound that can’t close up, you know. Or kiss him… gently. And take him out to that nice new bistro on main street, and we can hold hands and there will be candles and fairy lights, and then we go back to my place and watch 27 Dresses. And then we cuddle but it leads to making out, then he takes off my shirt and gets me up against the wall. And then-” 

Joshua tried not to listen, wishing desperately to switch places with the corpse on the table. He would rather have Jihoon remove his organs than tell him about his sexual frustration.

* * *

 It took forty-five minutes to get out of the morgue, and by the time he was free, his fingers were almost as blue as the dead man’s face. After walking up six flights of stairs to avoid the dead little boy’s family, Joshua had caught a quick lunch break and was able to continue his activities without being disturbed by his co workers. The rest of the day dwindled to an end, and Joshua felt relieved to have gone for several hours without becoming more and more scarred by what the hospital staff had to say about each other. Everything was looking up, until the end of his shift.

 “Joshua-ssi!” Xu Minghao called, as the chaplain was walking to his car after work. “Can I please talk to you?”

“Oh. Uh, sure. What can I help you with?” Joshua involuntarily replied, and an even more forced smile graced his face. He didn’t want to be anyone else’s therapist. Maybe Minghao just needed directions to the nearest Hooter’s or something.

“I have a problem with one of the administrative staff.” The physical therapist confessed, panting to catch up with Joshua, who had subconsciously begun to run away from the other.

Joshua slowed back down to a walk, having given up on getting home at a reasonable time. “Well. Um, have you tried talking to Human Resources? They’re much more suited to help with this kind of thing….” He shot a glance at his car- so impossibly far away.

“That’s the thing though,” Minghao said, “The problem is with Human Resources. Seungkwan keeps being super nosy and I hate it! He always comes up to me and asks how my day is going, or invites me to company dinners. It’s ridiculous! Why is he trying to get close to me?”

“Minghao, I don’t think Seungkwan is being invasive or nosy. That’s just how normal people act when they want to get to know you.”

Minghao was quiet as he considered this, before bursting out in a fit of anger and unwarranted yelling. “Do you imply that I don’t know how normal people are like? Huh? What the fuck, Hong? I know what normal people are like, I have friends! Unlike your fat American ass. Fuck off.”

 Joshua didn’t know how to respond, so he didn’t. He did as Minghao suggested, and fucked off, all the way to his car. At this point, he hardly cared what Minghao thought of him, he just wanted to go home and watch Fullmetal Alchemist.

“Wait, Josh,” Minghao called, voice softer. Joshua considered acting like he hadn’t heard, but then felt guilty for even considering that. He turned around.

“I’m sorry for whatever I said. I blacked out. Maybe you’re right, I should be friends with Seungkwan. We could grab a bite to eat after work or something.” Minghao sounded genuinely sorry, and looked small as he stared at the toes of his sneakers. Joshua felt a little bad for him.

“Uh, yeah. That sounds like something he would like.” Joshua said, offering a hopefully reassuring smile.

“You think so? Good. Speaking of, can you give me directions to the nearest Hooter’s?” 

Now that was something Joshua could easily do.


	6. Therapy Ferret

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chanbaek (sort of)
> 
> ft. nct dream as kiddos in the pediatric ward because we all know they're babies (sort of)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FYI ferrets make this giggling noise called dooking when they're pleased. also they thrive on making trouble.

Since the Kim Jongun incident, Jeonghan had made sure to be on his best behavior as not to piss off Seungcheol and possibly lose his job. Despite not getting any real consequences for “accidentally” leaving the front desk unattended, his “talk” with the CEO had left him unable to sit down for a week. No joke.

That’s why when Jeonghan saw a lanky man enter the hospital with a weird furry critter on his shoulder, he was determined not to let him ruin his current record of good behavior. 

“Sir? I’m sorry, but you cannot bring that in here,” he said, standing up from his seat to usher the man out the doors.

“Wait- no, please,” the man said, stroking the animal, which had started to make weird little snorting noises. “Baekhyunnie here is a therapy animal.”  

Jeonghan looked at the creature, taking in its beady eyes and weird scent. “ _That_ is a therapy animal? Nice try pal, but my ass and I can't afford getting in trouble because of you.”  

“Look, guy, Baekhyunnie and I really need to come in! I need community service hours to complete my graduation requirement!”

“I’m sorry,” Jeonghan said, dramatically letting a single tear roll down his cheek. He gently pushed the tall man out the door. “But you must leave.”

 The automatic doors slowly slid shut, and Jeonghan turned around, hair swishing behind him.

* * *

 “Baekhyun this _sucks,_ ” Chanyeol pouted, shuffling out to his car. “Without volunteer hours for class, I’m never gonna graduate! And if I don’t graduate, I can’t become a ferret psychologist! And if I can’t become a ferret psychologist, how will I ever bridge the gap between man and weasel, forever changing the bond humans have with your kind?”

Sensing his disappointment and frustration, Baekhyun squeaked in sympathy. Then, the ferret hopped off his shoulder, and started running.

“Shit, Baekhyun! Where are you going?” Chanyeol cried, tripping on his own limbs as he followed the ferret. He had stopped in front of a different entrance- the side door to the ER. Peering in through the glass paneling, Chanyeol noticed that there was nobody at the ER desk.

“Baekhyun, you’re the smartest ferret I’ve ever met!” Chanyeol exclaimed, picking him up and putting him into his hoodie pocket. Baekhyun dooked happily.

* * *

 “Sir, can I help you?” A man in yellow bear-print scrubs asked as Chanyeol wandered the hospital halls, looking for someone who needed a therapy ferret to cheer them up. The man was tan, with a bright smile that made Chanyeol feel warm.

“Uh, yes. I have a therapy ferret that I’m bringing around to boost patient morale.” Chanyeol said. He usually stuttered when he was lying, but thankfully, his tell didn’t show today. He gestured to Baekhyun, who was snuggled into his sleeve, head poking out at the end where Chanyeol’s hand was.  

“What a cute ferret! Man, that’s so cool,” The guy said, scratching Baekhyun’s ears. “I’m Dr. Lee Seokmin, head pediatrician. I’m sure some of the kids in my ward would love to meet the little thing.”  

Chanyeol beamed. Finally, things were working out. This was going to go so well now.

* * *

Chanyeol was right, for the most part. Things had been going well. Seokmin led him down into a brightly painted hall, with kids and parents milling about the cheery halls. It was so much warmer than the rest of the building, which was stark white with hints of blue. Pantone’s “Serenity,” it looked like.  

“Some of the kids don’t need to stay confined in their rooms, so they usually gather here in their free time,” Seokmin gestured to a room with an assortment of toys and a television. Chanyeol nodded enthusiastically.

“Hey kids,” Seokmin said, knocking on the doorframe before entering the room. “I have a surprise for you!”

“What is it?!” A small boy with crooked teeth and an accent asked. The other children blinked up at their doctor and Chanyeol with curious eyes.

“Well, Renjun, great question. This is Chanyeol. He’s been given permission to introduce you to his special friend, Baekhyun. Right, Chanyeol?”  

Seokmin and the handful of sickly children looked at him expectantly.

“Right. P-permission. Y-yeah,” Chanyeol smiled, trying to bite back his stutters. “Anyways. This is Baekhyun.”  

Chanyeol fished the ferret out of his baggy sweatshirt and held him up so the kids could see him. “Baekhyun is a therapy ferret, and he’s here to hang out with you guys for a little bit, okay?”  

The first ten minutes following that also went smoothly. Until one kid- a tan little twerp named Donghyuck- asked to hold him. And Chanyeol was stupid enough to let it happen.

* * *

 Now here he was, speed-walking through the halls of Pledis whispering for his ferret to show himself. The second Baekhyun was in that Donghyuck kid’s arms, the began to squirm until he had wriggled onto the floor. This normally wasn’t an issue- Baekhyun was clever, though mischievous, and typically never ran away. Chanyeol supposed this wasn’t a typical sort of day, as Baekhyun dashed out of the pediatric ward like a furry lightning bolt. 

“FUCKING HECK,” he yelped, ignoring the children who were now repeating him. He raced into the hall after Baekhyun. 

“What happened?” Doctor Lee asked, hot on his heels. “I thought you said he was a trained therapy ferret!” 

“He _is_ a therapy ferret!” Chanyeol defended, as he rounded a corner and nearly crashed into some elderly people in wheelchairs. Someone cursed at him in what sounded like Chinese. “I just didn’t say he was trained,” he muttered, lower this time. 

“So he isn’t trained?” Doctor Lee asked, eyes wide and voice indignant. “How the hell did you get authorization to bring him in here?” 

Chanyeol didn’t answer, and continued to speed-walk (no running in hospital halls) after Baekhyun. The ferret was skittering under a door, which led right into the hospital pharmacy. 

“Shit,” Chanyeol muttered. “How are we gonna get in there now?” 

“The head pharmacists are at a conference today in Daegu.” Doctor Lee’s shoulders slumped. “But maybe one of the pharm techs is in right now.”

He tapped on the glass window. Nobody answered. “Well, it looks like I’ll have to use my master key to get in.” 

The two slipped into the vacant room, scanning the shelves for a glimpse of Baekhyun. They scoured the rows upon rows of pills and vials, until Seokmin heard a quiet chittering coming from directly above them. 

“There he is,” he whispered to Chanyeol. Baekhyun was atop the largest medicine rack, meticulously grooming his sable fur. 

“Well how are we gonna get him?’  
  
“I don’t know. He’s _your_ ferret after all.”  

Chanyeol sighed, analyzing his ferret. “Hear that? He’s chittering, not dooking. That means he’s in one of his moods. Baekkie isn't coming down willingly- one of us is gonna have to get him.” 

“Okay how about this- you look lighter than me since you’re as skinny as a twig, and Baekhyun knows you better. If you sit on my shoulders I can lift you high enough to get him.” Seokmin proposed. 

“Okay, uh. Kneel down a tiny bit so I can get on. Yup. Perfect.” 

 Once Chanyeol was seated comfortably on Seokmin’s shoulders, he lifted Chanyeol up so the ferret was in reach. 

“Here, Baekkie Baek,” Chanyeol cooed, holding out a ferret treat he had in his pocket. Baekhyun sniffed curiously, leaning himself closer to Chanyeol’s outstretched hand. “Mm… gotcha!” 

 Chanyeol lunged forward to grab the ferret, completely forgetting that he was on Seokmin’s shoulders. Before Seokmin could say “dook,” the two toppled forward, bringing the medicine racks down with them. The metal shelves clanged as the fell against each other like dominoes. 

Chanyeol and Seokmin were sprawled on the floor, surrounded by pills and bottles and flyaway prescription orders. 

 “Seokmin?” Chanyeol asked, hesitant. 

“What.” The doctor didn’t move from where he lay on the cold tile floor.  

“I caught him.” Sure enough, Chanyeol was holding onto Baekhyun by his scruffy neck. Baekhyun dooked happily.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i want a ferret so bad. please leave comments and kudos so i continue to have a will to live


	7. Thug Lyfe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it's all good in the hood
> 
> actually there are so many socioeconomic issues in the hood i could go on for hours

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for such a dely in updates. school is whipping my a$$

At 1 in the morning, most doctors could be found at home, getting well deserved rest after a long day of fixing people. But Doctor Wen Junhui was not like the others- as an ER doctor, his hours were never regular and getting called into the operating room at any given moment was always a possibility. Today was one of those days, or nights, Jun really couldn’t tell anymore. 

“Doctor Wen, we’ve gotta patient in who was just shot three times in the chest, we need to get him worked on stat. The wounds are pretty bad,” Lee Chan explained, chest heaving from the stress of rushing around the ER when most students his age were sleeping or getting STDs or something. Internally, Jun was smirking. Silly newbies, choosing to pull an all-nighter so early in rotation. 

Wordlessly, Jun got prepped to operate, leaving Lee Chan and the Scraggly One (Vernice? Veronica? Jun wasn’t sure, damn Western names.) scrabbling to keep up with him. His long white coat billowed behind him dramatically as he snapped on latex gloves and pulled his face mask on. If Jun could, he would ask one of the residents to film him going around, but he sadly didn’t have the time for that. (Plus Seungcheol said no, the last time he’d asked.)

* * *

 

Min Yoongi was 28, a SoundCloud rapper, and had just suffered several bullet wounds to the chest. They weren’t the worst Junhui had dealt with, and hadn’t gotten _ too l _ odged into internal organs, but it was still a chore to fish the bullets out. Fishing was never Junhui’s strong suit. Once, he went fishing with Mingyu and Minghao, only to catch a plastic bottle and a condom wrapper. Wait, what was he talking about again? 

Oh yeah. The guy who was shot. Yoongi was already under anesthesia and prepped to be cut into once Jun got into the operating room, which was full of other doctors, nurses, and med school residents. For a moment, it looked like Yoongi was already dead, his skin so white and cold that he looked like a stiff from Jihoon’s ward. Or Jihoon from Jihoon’s ward. Dammit, Jun really needed to stop getting so distracted during operations. 

“Doctor Wen? There’s still another bullet between those two ribs,” the Scraggly One (his name tag said Vernon, why didn’t Junhui notice that earlier?) pointed out, gesturing to said bullet. It was a really weird looking bullet, red metal and weird carvings. Carefully, Jun took his forceps and pulled it out from between the bones. 

“Doctor Wen!” Lee Chan said, loud as he dashed into the operating room. “There’s like, six gang members in the waiting room demanding to see Yoongi-ssi right now! What do I do?” 

Startled by Lee Chan’s entrance into the room, Jun had dropped the red bullet back into Yoongi. It was balanced precariously between his liver and stomach. Quickly, Junhui picked it back up and placed it into a tray with all the other bullets, disgruntled and annoyed. 

“You know what, Lee Chan? Figure it out yourself. If you get yourself shot too, I’ll be here to get the bullets out. Unless, of course, an annoying resident student barges in and interrupts me!” He screeched, not caring as Lee Chan’s eyes widened and he stumbled out of the operating room, the Scraggly Vernon One hot on his heels. 

For the rest of the operation, Jun peacefully stitched Yoongi back up, having one of the nurses turn on some C-Pop to drown out the screaming and banging coming from the ER waiting room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hype me up w/ comments and kudos


End file.
